As 2015 drew to a close and the endless barrage of “resolutions” popped up on my Facebook Newsfeed I pondered what my resolution should be. Except that a few years back I heard someone say that “should” implies judgment and it made me decide that I wanted to avoid using the word as much as possible. I work at it all the time—to varying degrees of success. But I consider each time that I catch myself almost using the word a success.
The decided to look up the definition of “resolution” as my first step. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary,
noun res·o·lu·tion \ˌre-zə-ˈlü-shən\
Simple Definition of resolution
: the act of finding an answer or solution to a conflict, problem, etc. : the act of resolving something
: an answer or solution to something
: the ability of a device to show an image clearly and with a lot of detail
But I’m still trying to wrap my brain around “re” (sometimes I like to dissect stuff and over-think things). To me, “re” implies repetition. Following my logic, resolution means to solve something again, or to decide to arrive at a decision repeatedly. That seems to me to be a waste of time. If a person arrives at a decision repeatedly, and fails to follow through, I feel that perhaps a new approach is needed. But who am I to judge? To each his/her own. And so, in an act of rebellion, I have decided to avoid committing to pursue a course of action that I may have chosen to follow in the past. With all due respect, been there, done that, FUCK THAT!
I have people constantly telling me to stop eating cheese, sugars, processed foods, flours, meat, seafood, thin skinned fruits and vegetables, etc. I may, someday, decide to stop eating some or all of that food. But it will be MY decision, because I want to, or because hell has frozen over, not because people keep trying to force their ideas and choices on me.
It would be natural for people to assume that the onset of MS has made me angry. They would be wrong, it has not made me angry. I don’t know why, but I don’t feel what people expect a person with MS to feel. It may sound naïve, but I promise, other than the fact that I have to take a shot daily, I don’t think about it much. I know it’s there, I feel some effects of it, but it’s as much a part of me as my teeth or my hair. Sometimes they misbehave and other times they are at their best behavior.
Each day comes with its own challenges and its own rewards. While I could try to anticipate everything that might happen on any given day, I believe that that amount of stress is unhealthy. Work, commuting, marriage, bills, all the everyday things in life come with their own set of stress. That is enough stress for any one person to maintain a semblance of sanity. I don’t need to voluntarily add any additional stress, thank you.
So then, resolving to revolt against the concept of annual resolutions I have chosen to just breathe.
“Resolution.” Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 3 Jan. 2016.